The truth: They Tell You Many Stories, Baby Girl
But Rarely Do They Tell You the Truth
Nah… They tell you many stories, baby girl. But rarely do they tell you the truth.
I Have a Tough Personality
See… if you know me, you must know by now that I have a very tough personality. I love digging into stuff. I don’t settle for what I hear, read, or see. I always dig and research into everything, including my very own self. And especially that!
I Self-Studied Myself Intensely
I self-studied myself intensively and thoroughly. I dissected my many layers to fully understand what was going on. We need to know what is going on. To do that, we must become very honest, at least with ourselves.
I Choose Truth as My Main Tool
Because I am aware of the importance of truth in influencing any change, I choose truth as my main tool when speaking up and out. I use it when popping balloons, as the devil in me likes to call it.
Self-Help Books Help, But Not Enough
So, back to what I was saying… yes, self-help books are helpful in a way. Yes, psychologists, psychiatrists, and therapists help you understand yourself in a way. They show you what weighs you down, what events you must overcome to flourish, and what past experiences you must outgrow.
Nothing Breaks a Woman More
But I, as a woman, would say this: nothing breaks a woman more than a distorted relationship she has with her dad. Or maybe, a relationship she never actually had with her dad.
If You Are There, I Feel You
If you are there, I feel you. I want to share with you. So please, come with me.
A Heartbreaking Message at 1 AM
“He broke me into pieces, Maya. He broke my heart and my back now that he left. He took my happiness with him and went away. The pain is too much to bear and too much to handle…”
It’s 1 AM. I am sitting in my bed, listening to the winds screaming like a black widow doing her mad ritual dance outside my windows. Words felt so heavy upon my heart as I read through that WhatsApp message that I had just received from my best friend. She shared with me her fluctuating heart as she mourned her just-buried beloved father.
I Never Had That Kind of Love
Heavy was my heart because I had just realized something. I never had that kind of love.
Memories Took Me Back Seventeen Years
Memories took me back to the day I lost my dad seventeen years ago. On that day, I felt absolutely nothing. Emptiness wrapped up with emptiness. Detachment, as if I was watching someone else’s funeral. No love to connect with. I felt like I lost nothing because I already had nothing in that space called fatherhood.
Little Had I Known at Seventeen
Little had I known at the age of seventeen that what I didn’t feel and what was already empty was actually EMPTY. That’s the scary part. I had an empty position of major love and connection that was supposed to be full.
I Would Search Intensely Later
Little had I known that I would search intensively later on for someone to fill up and occupy this space. However, it’s no one’s role but my dad’s to fill it up. Unless he did, I would become lost in a maze, searching for this lost relationship among wrong people and wrong relationships. I would think something was either wrong with me or the partners I would hunt. I would not realize that I was only searching for the love I never had with my dad.
That Pain Runs Deeper
That pain runs deeper than mourning a love you once had. Because at least you have memories and a leftover place for what existed there.
Mourning a Love You Never Had
However, mourning a love you never had feels like searching for yourself among your shadows. You barely see a reflection of it. Just when you think you’re going to get ahold of it, it disappears.
I Had a Gap
I had a gap. I had hugs I rarely received. I had kisses I never felt. I had support I never got. I had protection and shelter I never experienced. I had void.
I Had No Road Map
I had no reference on how things should be. I didn’t know how a man should treat me, what to tolerate, and what to deny. I had no road map. I was lost in what to feel and what not to allow.
I Ran Through That Forest Called Life
I only ran through that forest called life, searching for someone or something to fill in the gap. It didn’t matter what they would fill it up with, for as long as they did. Chaos? It was okay. Pain? It was okay. Crap? It was okay. For as long as the gap stayed filled, it was okay.
Until I Could Realize the Damage
Until I could realize the damage that was in disguise. The love that I should deny and criticize. I couldn’t analyze that what I was living in precisely was an illusion to my eyes. Because the love I was seeking to romanticize was the love my dad couldn’t concise.
Sit with Yourself Long Enough
So, woman, sit with yourself long enough to understand the truth behind your stories. Be honest with yourself to be able to heal.
Healing Requires Depth
Healing is a journey that demands patience and perseverance. But most importantly, healing requires depth into what IS. If you don’t understand what is happening on the inside, you will have no clue how to handle what surfaces on the outside.
Find a Surrogate Father
If you didn’t receive the love that you think you deserve from your father, the world is full of father figures who could give you what you missed. That’s why Tony Robbins is my mentor.
I Told Him He Was the Father I Never Had
Now that I am on his leadership team and I got to have a conversation with him at Date with Destiny 2019, I told him: “You, to me, are the father I never had. You taught me everything I wanted my father to teach me. You empowered me and loved me unconditionally through your mission.”
Do That for Yourself
So, bottom line, do that for yourself. Find a surrogate father. Find what you lack, and fill that gap with THE RIGHT REPLACEMENT.
A Final Promise
P.S. Your dad loved you… in his own way. If he knew any better, he would have loved you differently. That I promise.
By, Maya Taher
Human Behavioral & Growth Trainer
Founder of The Maya Training & Coaching Co.
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