New year, new me… or new year, more me? By Pascale Atallah
It was January 3rd of 2016 when, in the middle of a conversation with my boss, I said confidently, “It’s New Year, New Me.” I had every intention that year to finally “get my life together.” To become the perfect version of myself. To have every area of my life under control. And to my surprise, he looked at me calmly and said, “We don’t need a new you. We love the you that you are.”
As someone still wrapped tightly in societal expectations and still quite immature, I couldn’t grasp the essence of what he meant. I remember thinking how terrible it must be to become so complacent that you actually love yourself as you are. At the time, that idea felt like giving up and settling. It felt like a lack of ambition. So, I dismissed his comment and continued on my quest to build this new and improved version of me.
But somewhere along the way, I discovered that he was right.
Many, if not most people today are completely disconnected from who they truly are, what they want, and why they want it. We chase a “new version” of ourselves, believing that once we achieve that version, happiness will magically follow. We chase new routines because they trend online. We chase new habits in hopes they will compensate for the parts of us we quietly judge or dislike.
And if that’s you, hear me when I say this: it’s not your fault.
Most of us inherited this behavior. We were shaped by environments that rewarded compliance over authenticity. We were asked in school to dress the same, sit still, raise our hands, follow the rules, be polite, get good grades, and color inside the lines. Our parents, teachers, and coaches, well-intentioned as they were, often asked us to tone ourselves down so we wouldn’t be too loud, too sensitive, too opinionated, too much. Add magazines showing the “ideal” body, the pressure to choose the “right” college, and a culture that worships productivity, and it becomes clear: we were trained to believe that who we naturally are is somehow insufficient.
From a young age, we learn that approval is earned through fitting in, not standing out. Our inner child, playful, expressive, bold, curious, emotional, learns that shrinking keeps us safe. That being agreeable keeps us loved. These patterns become so ingrained that by adulthood, they run on autopilot. And so when a new year comes around, instead of asking, “How can I honor and expand myself?” we default to, “How can I fix myself?” The idea of “New Year, New Me” becomes an extension of childhood conditioning and a continuation of the belief that who we are is never enough.
But here’s the truth I had to learn the hard way:
You cannot hate yourself into a new version of you.
The more you chase external validation thinking the next promotion, the next relationship, or the next habit will unlock your happiness, the further you drift from your own heart and soul. The more you try to perfect yourself, the more you disconnect from the parts of you that make you human and alive.
What we actually need is not sameness. Not perfection. Not a world full of people chasing identical morning routines, diets, or self-improvement formulas. What we need is the full expression of each unique human being. Each of us was designed with our own blend of gifts, strengths, quirks, and perspectives. We were meant to create a unique blueprint on this earth, one that cannot be duplicated or replicated.
And the greatest act of rebellion in a world trying to mold you is this:
Love and accept yourself exactly as you are.
So as you begin to think about your New Year resolutions and the version of yourself you’re striving to become, pause, take a breath, and ask yourself:
- Am I trying to become a new version of me because I believe the current version isn’t good enough?
- Or am I trying to grow from a place of love, possibility, and expansion?
Because intention matters. Energy matters. And the place you’re creating from shapes what you create.
This year, I invite you to ask different questions.
Questions that don’t shrink you, but return you to yourself.
Before you create a 10-step daily routine, ask:
What parts of me have I silenced?
What parts of me have been waiting to come home?
What would it look like to become more of who I already am?
Because the truth is, you don’t need a new version of yourself. You need the courage to be the version you were born to be.
This year is not about becoming someone different. It’s about becoming more you than you’ve ever allowed yourself to be, and from this space, you’ll be surprised by what new version of you will unravel.
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